Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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