Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
