Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
