I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Barsexuality is the new black.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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