bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
