I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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