do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
