Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i think i have herpe
just one?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
