She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
