New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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