I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
