he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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