uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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