I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
