i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
