You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
