Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
