Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
