I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
