i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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