how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
