Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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