It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
