You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Randomize
