he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
please don't ironically join a cult
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