I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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