i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
