stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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