Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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