perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
