so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
