I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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