she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
