note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
