my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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