I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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