I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
