It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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