i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
