I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
