Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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