eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
