i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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