Just cropdusted the office
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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