i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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