WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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