You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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