need another drink. this is the easiest way
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
