Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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