I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
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