Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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