just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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