I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
