I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
